Last one for a while

I know that there aren't very many people who are still checking this to see if I've written anything lately, but I wanted to put this post up because I think it is a much better wrap up than my other posts, and also because these thoughts just don't come out in normal conversation and I'm tired of trying to make them. And if just one person understands a bit more about what I experienced/learned and why I am still completely uncomfortable being home, then that is one more person that I dont need to feel completely insane and unstable around.

We were required to write up a final paper after we got home that was divided into two parts: the first is a summary of a few questions we got to think about on the plane ride home. The questions were meant to help us come to some solid conclusions about what we learned and help us to wrap up (at least a little bit) all of the jumbled thoughts we had floating around in our heads. The second part was for us to tell a short story about an event dealing with the townships that had a significant impact on us. This part definately helped me to figure out how to describe even just a fraction of the heavy emotion that all of us felt in the townships.


So here it is:

1:
To explain in seven pages the impact which my experience in South Africa had on me would be impossible. To list everything I learned would be equally impossible- not simply because of page limits, but also because I am still processing and developing the outcome of this trip. To say that I am going through a transformation would be an understatement. This trip changed me. It allowed me to learn incredible amounts about myself, another culture and about leadership. It not only taught me about the past and present of myself and others, but reaffirmed where I want to take my future as well. This amazing experience became, and will continue to be, a driving force in who I am and who I will become.

The best and most memorable part of the trip for me was our week in Gugulethu; I fell completely in love with these people and their culture. Something that clearly stuck out to me about them was their pride- pride for their history, who they are, what they have worked for, to be African. I gained a great sense of admiration for everyone we met in their ability to hold their heads high with pride even after the horrors of Apartheid took nearly everything else from them. It is not a boastful or hateful pride, but is much more noble than that. It is a pride which can be seen in their eyes and invokes a great sense of respect. My host mother, Noxie, asked me one night what I noticed about the people in Gugulethu. When I told her this, she got a smile on her face and nodded her head saying, “Yes, it’s true…we are.”

Less visible than pride, but even more present among the people of Gugulethu is ubuntu. From the second I walked into the JL Zwane Center and met my host mother that Sunday, I felt it. It was as though I was seeing a family member for the first time- I did not know her but there was so much love in the hug she gave to Stella and me, I felt like family. This was incredible to me because I grew up in a culture which teaches to suspect the character of strangers, yet here I was with this woman opening her home and heart to me without a single hint of misgiving across her face.

This wasn’t the only time any of us were shown ubuntu. The community at JL Zwane Center went out of their way to make sure we were comfortable, safe and welcome. Every night at our get-togethers, we were invited into our host families’ lives; all of us wanted to share a part of ourselves with each other. Everyone we stayed with has a job, yet they managed to find the time to cook incredible feasts for us every night. Even if one of our host parents had to stay late at work, they still made the effort to spend time with all of us, genuinely happy to be there regardless of how tired they were.

Ubuntu was not only shown to us, but is constantly present in the manner in which members of the community treat each other. When they speak to one other, they truly have interest in what the other person is saying. They honestly want to know how one is doing and if someone is in need, there is no hesitation to lend them a hand. Less than an hour into our first time at the center before church, the strong bond between these people was clear and obvious; I soon realized that the concept of family extends far beyond the boundaries of blood relatives. During our time in Gugulethu, the JL Zwane community taught me the beautiful meaning of ubuntu: to truly live your life for others by giving your all and loving them more than yourself.
The leadership we experienced ties in with the close-knit culture of Gugulethu. An aspect that I really liked was the personal feeling between a leader and those they work with as opposed to the more “professional,” business-like relations that are often built in our own culture. I noticed that relationships in the Gugulethu leadership sector are much more deeply rooted than simple transactions and business plans. It reminds me a lot of our own leadership that was occurring during the Civil Rights Movement of the 1960s. Dr. Reverend Spiwo said to us, “Some say that if you walk with dwarves, you will be a dwarf; if you walk with giants, you will be a giant. But leadership is making giants out of dwarves, and you can't do that unless you walk with dwarves."

This resonated significantly with me because it reminded me of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and how he knew his people. He didn’t know the personal stories of each individual person, but he knew them- he knew their struggle and their past, and he also knew a vision for their future because he walked with them. For a leader to “walk” with a group of people is to build a very personal connection because that leader experiences their hardships and triumphs alongside of them and incorporates that group into part of their personal identity. I saw this type of connection every time we met a leader and learned of the work they do. I believe this aspect of leadership is integral to progress in South Africa’s townships because it inspires the leaders to have passion and courage to overcome the countless obstacles they face.

For anyone who experiences a township like Gugulethu, it becomes apparent that the road to positive progress is long and rough, necessitating a strong sense of courage and passion from each and every leader. Dr. Spiwo Xapile gave us great examples to explain this need. In a place where extreme poverty is the norm, success- in whatever form it may be- is viewed with suspicion by many people and can even lead to the point of danger as others become jealous of that success. To literally put their life in jeopardy in the name of success is a scary experience for anyone and often times, someone will not have courage enough to stand in the face of this danger. It also takes courage to oppose authorities who are blocking the way to progress.
Countless times, the Church refused Dr. Spiwo’s requests to undertake a project in the community. Instead of giving up in defeat, he had the courage to adopt a principle which he explained as, “I’d rather ask for forgiveness than ask for permission for something that will never be granted.” The Church was wrong to believe that investment in the community would not lead to any significant progress and the Reverend had the courage to stand up to his authorities to prove them wrong.

Alongside courage, I truly believe that no progress would be possible in the townships without the passion I saw within their leaders. The situation there is too difficult. The JL Zwane Center as it is today was a dream which took over a decade to become a reality. Through learning the history of the center, it became clear that this was no easy feat. Countless obstacles had to be overcome and had it not been for the passion to see a vision through, the community center would not be in Gugulethu as it is now. Passion here it what drives the perseverance to face immense challenges and stick with a dream until the end.

Without passion, it would be impossible for a leader to continue on day to day while experiencing the heartbreaking conditions in the townships. If it weren’t for passion, it would be easier for one to turn their back rather than look into the eyes of a child dying of AIDS. It would be easier to drive along the highway and put blinders up instead of notice thousands of makeshift shanties leaking in the winter rain. The emotion felt while experiencing these sights is heavy; passion is what outweighs the urge to turn a blind eye to them and return to a comfortable life.

Throughout my entire time in South Africa, from Gugulethu to Cape Town to the excursions, I learned a lot about myself. I learned that my heart can hold much more emotion than I ever thought it could. While I am generally someone who is very good at handling and dealing with my feelings, I felt emotions there that I never knew existed; emotions that I still cannot figure out or describe. To my surprise, I didn’t explode. I’m glad too, that I felt (and continue to feel) those things. As uncomfortable as it is, I feel more human for it. It feels good to know that my emotional range extends further than the usual happy-sad-angry-confused spectrum and that I can care for a complete stranger far more deeply than I ever imagined. Since we returned, I have been wondering if the people we met realize how much of an impression they made on me. I wonder if they know I learned a completely different meaning of love because of them.

I learned that I am able to let go of many cares and just live in the moment. I didn’t simply exist during this trip, I lived it. Even to just not care what time it is was a significant step for me because it allowed me to just let go and enjoy the moment as it was. I did not even care how cold and wet I was at Cape Point and I really did not care if I got sick from it later because at that moment, I was at the most beautiful spot I could possibly be at in that place in time. Out shark diving, I drank so much chummed-filled ocean water and smacked my head on the cage more times than I can count, but I could not care one bit because I was living out my dream. Even all the times our group had to wait around with nothing to do, I could not get the least bit annoyed because, darn it, we were in South Africa! I realized life is so much more relaxing when I am able to let go of all the little cares and annoyances to just enjoy and hold onto the good things in that moment.

I rediscovered my passion for people. Living as I do- completing school and working in an area where it is easy to let petty things control my life- I allow myself to forget this passion. I forget my belief that relationships and experiences are far more valuable and important than material comforts and traditional middleclass American successes. I’m guilty of putting my passion on a waiting list right behind “finishing school” and “paying bills”; I do this and wonder why I’m not satisfied. I’m not satisfied because my passion is what truly makes me happy; helping people makes me happy, as cliché as it sounds. I like to make someone smile who otherwise may not have found a reason to. My time in South Africa reminded me of this and, thankfully, made me feel guilty for ever forgetting it.

There was one instance that really made me stop and think: when Zetu Xapile spoke to us about the clinics’ work in fighting HIV/AIDS, she briefly mentioned counseling services that are offered to those who test positive for the virus. Before this moment, it had never occurred to me that I never thought of South Africans receiving counseling. It is not as though I thought that they would not receive it, but I guess I never included that aspect in my perceptions of township life- it was just completely absent from my thoughts. Why did this happen? Why was there some subconscious barrier in my mind that separated the needs of Americans from non-Americans? I know that if I were to contract HIV I would be in need of counseling, so why would they not be? Why would I conceptualize these people as different from myself? It was one of those “aha” moments that actually made me very curious to find out which other subconscious beliefs I am holding that I am unaware of.

The whole trip culminated in the reaffirmation of the desire I have for my future. The further I get along in life, the more I realize I would not be happy in any other job than one in the public service sector. The work being done in Gugulethu that we learned of is the direction I want to go. Before this experience, I knew something along the lines of what I want to do but it was very foggy and ill-defined. Now that I have seen it- working grassroots, face-to-face with marginalized people- I feel like I finally had a glimpse of the future I have been trying to point myself toward. Wherever I end up in the world, be it South Africa, Thailand, etc., I know that it will be someplace where the people are “different” than me. I realized that I’m comfortable and excited to be somewhere unfamiliar because I love differences and I love culture and I love learning about it all.

I have no doubt that my experience in South Africa will continue to change my life. I am not comfortable being back home, and in a way I do not want to be. If I were comfortable it would mean that this trip did not have the impact on me that it should have. I do not want to ever forget the people I met and the experiences I had, but it is a great comfort to know that this trip was so incredible and amazing that I know I will never forget.

I do not know what impression I had on those who I met during those three weeks, but I can say with great certainty that they impacted me far beyond anything I ever expected. A couple times over the last week, I looked back at who I was before South Africa. A lot seems the same: same job, same love of macaroni and cheese and grilled cheese sandwiches, same job, same dislike of doing laundry… But there is something fundamentally different now; South Africa left lasting marks in my mind and heart, and it is strange to step back into someone’s life after this change.

2:
I was so excited to bring rain jackets. Each of us was asked to bring a suitcase of donations as a way to show appreciation to the JL Zwane Community Center for spending time with us. I practically ran over to the clothing racks when I saw that the store was having a half-off sale on kids’ raingear; it was like Christmas shopping, except far more exciting. I stood in front of those jackets for a good forty five minutes, constantly thinking of our instructor, Aaron’s, words,
“It’ll be winter in Cape Town, so it will be cold and windy. You really should bring a rain jacket because umbrellas are completely useless.”

If the kids in Gugulethu, I thought, didn’t have enough money to buy basic school supplies, it would be a far stretch to guess that they had rain jackets either. If I was able to help even just a handful of kids stay dry and warm on a rainy day, well, then that would be one less thing they would need to worry about. The prospect of this kept me stationed in front of those jackets, checking all the liners and reading the tags to make sure they weren’t the equivalent of garbage bag ponchos. I walked out of the store a great deal later with twenty-some rain jackets, absolutely ecstatic.

I was no less excited in Gugulethu the day Yvonne, Director of Ministries at JL Zwane, told us that we were going out to deliver some of the donations we brought from home. All of us piled into the vans and made our way through the township, blaring R. Kelly’s World’s Greatest and 3 Way Phone Call on the speakers. We arrived at a group of town homes that were positioned to create a large open circle; a sort of courtyard. The entire area was filled with pieces of wood, metal and broken furniture. Old worn-out cars were parked throughout the courtyard, only a few of which appeared to be in working condition. The dirt ground was littered everywhere with bits of trash and scraps of debris. Nails and pieces of metal were lying in the same area where people walk everyday and dozens of muddy puddles were left over from the last rain. Every now and then, the strong stench of wet rotten food and garbage would drift by.

As soon as we arrived, a dozen kids ran up to check us out. A few showed off their top spinning skills and others ran around, getting their pictures taken and looking at their faces on the digital camera screen. As I watched the kids I looked down and noticed that some weren’t wearing shoes, they were running through this place barefoot and I wondered how often one of them was cut by a shard of metal or stepped on a nail. None of them at that moment seemed to care, though, they just wanted to play.

While one of the boys was demonstrating how to spin a top, Aaron came over to tell me that Yvonne was giving a family some of the rain jackets. Oh boy, was I excited! I didn’t know that rain jackets were what were to be given out that day, so I was surprised and I could not wait. I went inside the house to meet the family. The atmosphere completely changed as I stepped over the threshold from outside to in. The boys outside were playful and energetic, but this room felt worn out. Not very much sunlight made it inside, making the small room seem even smaller and there was a heaviness in the air that I didn’t want to acknowledge.

The woman we met was introduced as the aunt of the two little boys living here and although she smiled, she seemed tired. It didn’t take long to find out why the woman would be so exhausted. We were told that the two boys lived with her because their parents had both died of AIDS. I nodded my head, not knowing what to say and instead turned my attention back to the little boys who were now wearing a couple of rain jackets. They were young, no older than nine and five. The older boy had some of the biggest and brightest eyes I’ve ever seen and his brother was so shy and sweet.

I took their picture together and asked them their names but forgot what they were five minutes later… I wish I could remember them now. Aaron was standing next to me and as we looked around the room, he leaned over and said,

“The little one is HIV positive.”

I can’t even say that my heart stopped when he told me this because the instant I heard those words come out of his mouth, I shut everything down. My heart was on the verge of breaking worse than it ever had before and I selfishly couldn’t let myself feel it, so I went numb.
But nothing in the world could take that hollow feeling out of my stomach- the feeling that came from knowing that something irreversible had happened to this baby boy and that it would eventually kill him. The most revolting feeling came from being able to look at this boy and know that he was going to die; who am I to be able to know something like that? I felt like I had walked in on one of God’s little secrets and I wanted to give it back because I didn’t want to know.

Then I looked at the older boy. How would it feel to have to say goodbye to your little brother? I thought of my own and knew I wouldn’t be able to do it. Love isn’t different anywhere in the world and I can’t imagine that it is any easier to bury a child in South Africa than it is back home. Why do these people have to live with this? They don’t deserve it. I couldn’t get it straight in my head, and I don’t know if I ever will. As happy as I was that my rain jackets got delivered, I couldn’t help but think that even though the jacket will keep him dry and warm, it won’t keep him alive.

Going Back to Campus

I feel weird. I can't describe what it is because I dont know. I know that it's an uneasy feeling that has something to do with being lonely for everyone in SA and my roommates. But it's more than that.
I'm sitting here and watching a Bowflex commercial. Besides the level of ridiculousness that this commercial far exceeds, I just feel upset with the amount of frivolous things surrounding me as I'm back in the U.S. And I'm guilty of it too.. when I go back to my place tonight, I'll be back to my nice TV, a couple computers, more dvds than I can count and more clothes than I even want to wear. Doesn't matter if I bought them with my own money that I earned. It's too much, and what does it really do for me? Not a whole lot, that's what.
I don't want to hear about certain things anymore. I don't want to hear about how much money you make or how many cars you own. I dont want to hear about whatever diet you are on that's working so well. I dont want to hear about those tiny little inconveniences that made your day 'so terrible.' And I definately don't want to hear about how much money you had to pay to fill the tank on your SUV. On and on. My level of interest to these topics was pretty low before I left, and it's only gotten exponentially lower over the last 3 weeks.

But beyond this, I'm nervous to go back to campus. I stayed at my moms yesterday and today and she's been amazing, just like I knew she would. But talking to some friends, I know that not a lot of them read this blog. They have even less of a clue how I'm feeling and what I'm thinking than those of you who are reading this now. How do I explain to them why I don't want to do a certain thing or why I dont want them to crack a certain joke around me or why I fundamentally disagree with their opinion? I have a lot of friends who I know are a lot less willing to deal with my changes than my family is. They wont understand and I wouldn't be surprised if some of them are unwilling to take the time to understand. I think coming home will hit me 50 times harder when I'm back on campus and have to explain my actions to the people who expect me to come back to them the same person I left as.

The End?

I've really been procrastinating to write this so-called wrap up entry for two reasons:
1- I can't find the words (yet again) to describe anything, the sights, sounds, feelings.. There is a question in our class journal that askes something like, "How will you describe this trip when you get home?" I have no idea.
And 2- writing this entry forces me to admit to myself that I'm home. Once and a while it hits me and I cry or get a really sick feeling in my stomach, from knowing that I'm gone and I can't simply jump in my car and drive 20 minutes to go visit this place and the people that now possess a huge part of my heart.


I miss the crazy driving, I miss ubuntu, I miss palm trees, I miss Marcel's frozen yogurt, I miss sharing a house with 10 other people, I miss Gugulethu, I miss Long St, I miss Noxie, I miss the food.. I miss everything.
I think it's funny that I feel a little uncomfortable being surrounded by a lot of white people now. I'm not used to it.. my comfort zone has definately done a complete 180, not just with this, but a lot of things. I learned how to let go of everything and just live in the moment and I learned that I can live with a lot less comforts than I ever thought I could.. and it's a lot more relaxing, I like it. Yesterday I watched a little bit of golf with my stepdad and that was the most tv I watched in the last month.
Edwin told us during our last night at the homestays that we took up a large part of their hearts and that we were going to leave a big hole when we left. It is the same for all of the students as well. I'm not the same person I was when I left the US and I'm missing a big part of my heart. I feel like the only thing to fill that hole that would do my South African family justice would be to give back to my community just like they have been doing and to bring back the ubuntu that we were shown. Nothing else would quite be worth the space they have taken.


So what happened the last few days? The perfect ending to the best time of my life.

We did get a chance to go to the Holocaust Museum and I am so glad we did. There is a large population of Holocaust survivors in South Africa, which is the reason they have a museum there. Along with all the facts that were presented, the place had a very personal touch to it because it told the stories of individuals- names, photos and personal letters and diaries were all over the place and it was hard to forget that the Holocaust happened to human beings rather than just faceless people. I liked that there was a little tie-in to Apartheid because it makes you think of the questions "have we learned anything at all? how easy is it to allow a group to be dehumanized? and when is it ever going to stop?"

We went out a restaurant called Mama Africa that night. I didn't like my food all that much, but the restaurant was great and the live band was great to listen to! We had our last class Thursday morning where we wrapped things up and talked about leadership things. We all got 17 notecards and wrote warm fuzzies to each person. I read mine on the airplane and they made me smile. I'm so happy that I got to go on this trip with these people, they are all amazing!

Thursday night, we had a braai at our place (South African bbq). Edwin and Noxie came, along with everyone from Interstudy and our new buddy Allen. We ate a ton of food and talked, and later we gave photos of the group to the JL Zwane Center and Interstudy to say thank you for all the work they did with us. Aaron gave a little speech to thank everyone, including us students, and we each got a chance to say thanks and it all got pretty emotional.

After our guests left, we busted out some drinks for TJ's 21st birthday! We had bottles and cans stored up in the fridge and were leaving for the US the next afternoon, so obviously they needed to get drank. We went out to Long Street to a club called Velvet for a while until it got so hot in there that some people left and went to the Purple Turtle. We ended up splitting into a couple different groups so I have no clue where everyone went, but I went with Allen and Siviwe and they were so nice to take me over to Joburgs! I'm one of the only people in our group that likes Joburgs so I was super excited to go there one last time before we left. We went to another club before we had to go home as well.. I looove Joburgs and the last club because they were so much more local than the rest of the places we went to, so I thought they were a lot more fun! So we got home around 3:30 or 4 and went to sleep to get up a few hours later to get ready to leave. It was such a great night, I can't even say. I guess I didn't put a ton of details in here, but it was just a great night on the town with people I'll never forget!

And last but not least, on Tattoo Tuesday I got my tattoo!

I got it to tie together a part of who I am that is very important to me with my experience here and what these amazing people have shown me.

It says 'ithemba' and means 'hope' in Xhosa. During an unfortunate time in my past the only thing I had to get me up in the morning and do what I needed to do, besides my mom and my brother, was the hope that things would be better. Ever since then, the idea of hope has been inseperable from my identity and outlook for the future. One of the most beautiful things to me is finding a tiny little diamond in the rough, to be too cliche. This is one of the reasons I came to South Africa and why I am going to India this January. To be in a place with such a dire situation and witness that glimmer of hope that a better future can be created is amazing to me. The people here have shown me that, I looked around and I saw the hope they have for the future of their people. While I was in South Africa, I saw the importance of hope, and I saw it in many peoples' eyes.. it is something I will never forget. The font is from pieces of art at the JL Zwane Center and the fact that the letters are jagged and different sizes is perfect for me, because life isn't perfect but it's beautiful. That is why I have my tattoo, it is my connection.

So with that said, I had the time of my life. The most incredible three weeks I've ever experienced and I owe it all to the people who were around me. Everyone. South African, American, black, colored, white, rich, poor... No one will ever be forgotten and I am eternally grateful for everyone I met. Coming home is hard and it will be more difficult than I ever imagined to get back into life here, but in return for my indescribable time in South Africa, I'd be willing to pay that price a million times over.

Just a Quick Note

For those of you checking up on me, we are leaving for the airport in less than half an hour. I should be home Saturday afternoon sometime.

Keep reading here because I have another entry to write about my last few days here- days that have been incredible

I'm Having Trouble Titling This One

I don't really have a whole lot to write about. We're back to doing the touristy things, and most of it really doesnt feel as good and fun as it did the first week we were here. I'm tired of spending money. I'd much rather sit down with a stranger and hear them talk about themselves and their story than drop another 40 Rand on a wooden carving. I had a little conversation with an artist at Green Market Square, but in the end all really is all about is them wanting to sell you something.

Hopefully we'll make it to the Holocaust Museum tomorrow, since Table Mountain will be closed for bad weather. I'm disappointed that we wont have time to go to the top of the mountain because I've heard that it's absolutely beautiful. It's funny that it's so close to us and we never went. I really want to see the Museum, though, because it's an important part of South Africa's history that many people never really consider.

We did walk through St. George Gardens today (I'm not sure if that's what it's called, but that's what you get) on our way to check out the Holocaust Museum (which was closed for a Jewish holiday). They were reaaaally pretty but involved far too many pidgeons for my taste, nasty little creatures. And squirrels that would charge at you until you throw crackers to them. Gross. But the plants and fountains were gorgeous!

Walking through, I wondered what all the old buildings used to be. They looked like colonial government thing. This question probably would have been answered had I read my tour guide book that I absolutely had to have before I left for this trip.

Yesterday, some of us went to a shop called MonkeyBiz. It's a non-profit that sells the beaded crafts made by women of the townships. The women recieve the proceeds from the sales. MonkeyBiz also runs a once-a-week clinic, support group and food service for its women who are HIV positive. It's a great place, I really wish I would have taken pictures of the inside. One woman there told me all about what they do and took me upstairs to show me where they hold the support group and clinic. There is a wall there that displays tons of pictures of the women of the group.. there had to be at least 50 pictures on there. She walked over to an enormous and pointed it out. I couldn't tell what it was, but when I got in front of it I realized that it was a 4x3ft beaded picture of a woman and her child:

Those are all tiny beads. The woman told me it took 2 weeks to make it. On the bottom it said, "You can change the world if you have a heart without fears, a mind without walls and a dream big enough to share -Ashley"

MonkeyBiz has a website.. you should check it out. Apparently you can order from their catalogue. Even if you don't want to order anything, look at it anyway because their products are really incredible http://www.monkeybiz.co.za/

I'm not sure if I meantioned this before, but we had the opportunity to get a mini-show from a group called Siyaya from the JL Zwane Community Center who sing to raise awareness of HIV/AIDS. They are in the United States right now and have a show this June 29 in Minneapolis. I highly recommend trying to get tickets for this show, trust me-they are amazing. We only saw a snippet of their performance last week.. I guarentee their full-length show with costumes has to be a hundred times more incredible. I know you would not be disappointed in going. Here's a link for you: http://www.thecedar.org/open_arms_presents_siyaya

Guilt-Inducing Juxtaposition

Over the last week, I've found myself becoming a lot less talkative and I know it's because of our time in Gugs. I can't get it straightened out in my head yet and it's uncomfortable. And it's messy, and still a little surreal.
I know when I get home, I'm gonna need a lot of time by myself to lay out in the grass, stare at some clouds and think.

We went on a wine tasting tour on saturday. I'll be honest- as much as I enjoyed everything and appreciate the industry's importance in South Africa, I hated it. Why am I swishing wine around in my mouth and dumping it out if I dont like the taste when just the other day I was playing with kids who live in shacks and struggle to get enough food? Don't get me wrong, the vineyards were amazingly gorgeous and I'm a firm believer in appreciating the good things you have in life. But this felt wrong to me, it really did. With everything I liked about that day, there was an equal (if not stronger) sense of guilt and wanting to go back to Gugulethu and make sandwiches for Pricilla's kids again.

On the way home we passed by Khayelitsha, which is the second largest township in South Africa. Over a million people live there, most of them in shacks. The HIV/AIDS rate here is absolutely unbelieveable: at least 25%. Go grab four of your friends, pull one of them away and say goodbye forever because it's a reality that AIDS will kill them. Go ahead and make one of your four friends a child too, because that is what these people face. 25% of the people here are HIV positive, and it doesn't discriminate against age.
When we first drove up next to Khayelitsha on the highway, our tour guide pointed to the shacks and said "this goes on for 10 kilometers." I didn't believe him, he seems like an over-exaggerator and I thought he was just being dramatic. No, he was serious. 5 minutes later (driving at highway speeds, mind you) we were still driving along side of shacks. Then something happened that I will never forget: I looked out the opposite side of the van for no more than two minutes and then looked back toward Khayelitsha, thinking I'd see shacks again. What I saw made my stomach twist: I saw nice houses. Walking distance from these nice big houses are the township shacks, it was like blinking my eyes and seeing a mouse turn into an elephant; poverty to excess. The stark difference between these two areas brought me a horrible feeling. I realized that we were on our way back to Mowbray in the foothills of Table Mountain and within 10 minutes I was going to be in one of those nice houses. I felt so disgusting. I have too much when millions of people don't have enough.

I am nervous to come home to face my excess and everyone else's, too. I am nervous to come home so changed that my friends and family don't get me anymore. I'm nervous to explain my experiences to people when I still can't get them straight in my own head. I'm scared that I will never make it back to South Africa to see my new family ever again.

But I will figure out how to deal with these things because it is important that I tell my experiences and if I truely want to come back here, I know I will find a way to do it.


On a different note.. I went shark diving today!! God bless seasickness patches, worked like a charm. Not everyone on the boat was as lucky as me. Well, what we did was get picked up by the skark diving company at 6am and took a 1.5 or so hour drive over to Gansbaai Harbor. They gave us a little breakfast and then we had a little safety talk and got on the boat. The ride out to Shark Alley was frickin sweet! The swells were HUUUUUUGE, it was like riding a rollercoaster and it was 200x's cooler to stand up for the ride. You could see the waves coming at the boat and it was just watching these emmense masses of water surging toward you. After 45 minutes, we got to Shark Alley (by Dyer Island) and put the anchor and cage out and they started chumming the water. This is where I was sooo happy that I wasn't getting seasick because that smell wouldve put me over the edge. It took a long time for a shark to come around, but all of a sudden, this massive great white shark came sliding in next to the boat! That thing was huge.

So the first group of 6 people got their wetsuits and goggles on and went into the cage and the crew would yell things out like "divers down! to the right! it's a big one! Oh its a big one!" when they yelled out 'down' you had to take a deep breath and pull yourself underwater. You would stay down as long as you could and watch the shark swim RIGHT by the cage. Laurie, Nichole and I were in the third group that went in. It felt so nice to be in the water because it was a lot warmer with the wetsuits on than it was on deck. It was actually really hard to keep control while we were in the cage because the current was so strong that it would pull our legs out and our feet would sometimes get pulled out of the cage toward where the shark was swimming! It only took a couple times of that happening to figure out how to make your legs stay down. Then sometimes a big wave would come in and smack your head up against the top of the cage if you weren't careful. We all got a big drink of chummed up salt water today.

But all these things didnt even matter when we heard the crew yelling "down!!" HOLY CRAP those sharks are huuuuuuuge! Underwater, it was a little green and murky and then this massive shark would just come gliding on past less than 2 feet from the cage! There was one shark that swam by us and started to head back out to the ocean but turned around and swam straight at the cage! It was down at our feet and I remember just looking down, my eyes the size of dinner plates, seeing this massive grey shark head 2 inches away from our feet! He bumped the cage a little bit and then turned around and swam off for a bit. Oh wow. I don't even know, it was crazy.

There were a lot of groups that went in and when some of my roommates were in the cage, there was a really aggressive shark that really wanted the bait tuna. He was fighting for it and was splashing up on the surface of the water and then eventually he went right at the cage and bit the corner of it and shook at it!! Sarah and Kate were screaming and when the shark swam away, the only words coming out of those two and TJ were "holy shit, holy shit! that was so scary!" It was sooo awesome to see it up from on deck too. We ended up getting a dvd of the day, so I cant wait to watch through the whole thing! Oh and on the way home, we saw a mother and baby Right Whales. They weren't supposed to be there, but I guess the whales were showing up two weeks early..so we got lucky! We could only see them from a distance, but they were still awesome and gorgeous and huge!

I've wanted to shark dive FOREVER and I finally did! I saw sharks today and swam with them! Great white sharks! God, it was incredible

Impossible to Leave Unchanged -- Friday

I am not very good at expressing my thoughts and feelings, especially when as I write this, I know that people who I don't know very well will be seeing them. But I need to tell this, for many reasons.

Up until now, I've just been writing a play-by-play of my trip. Now, I feel like I'm ready to share some deeper things.

First off, I don't want to come home to the states. I don't even want to go back to Mowbray and UCT for the last week of class. I just want to stay with the JL Zwane center and Gugulethu (which, I never mentioned, means "our pride" in Xhosa) because this place and everyone here has an eternal spot in my heart and I dont want to say goodbye.

I have a new family. My Gugulethu momma's name is Noxie (short for Noxolo for those of us who cant click the X). I shared with the group last night my gratitude toward Noxie and something I will never forget: she looked at me and Stella and asked, "Are you happy in your home? This is your home." I never once felt like a guest (which would have been just fine, it was all I was expecting) but instead I felt like I belonged there and that it truely was given to me as my home. We were here for only three days and I've gained a huge new family with all the hosts that took care of our group. None of us know each other's entire life story but there is a bond here that surpasses all of that. I'll never forget the love of these people, and I've been praying to God that he'll bring me back here to see them again. They have a word, 'ubuntu,' which has a much deeper meaning than can be put into English, but basically means that their purpose is to live for others and to love them. I can say that every single one of us learned the meaning of ubuntu this week, and I hope that we bring it back home and live by it.

Every night here, we all got together for potluck style dinner, talked and tried to learn the chicken dance and how to do the Xhosa clicks while our host families laughed at us. To be honest, I was nervous to sleep in a township. I heard about all the crime and wasnt sure how safe the houses were. I wasnt scared by any means, but I was nervous and was hoping that it would all go alright. After the first night, though, all my nerves were put to rest and I realized that we would be just fine. Everyone made us incredible food for dinner and lunches and made sure that we were never hungry. Last night, our last night there, was even bigger than usual so my momma went all out and got a pig head! Nate, Aaron and I tried the eyeball (in my opinion, tastes like a hardboiled egg) and Aaron was pretty grossed out by the whole experience! He didn't want to eat any meat today.

So if our families and everyone at the community center showed us the happy side of the township, our lectures and excursions showed us the sad side. There are some lecturers that I want to talk about. The first one is Nombeko Mpongo. She is the Health Information Officer for the City of Cape Town. She contracted HIV in the 1990s when she was gang raped in an area that she pointed to through the windows of the community center. Her outlook on life is incredible, to say the least. She doesn't care what anyone has to think about her. She believes that no matter what happens to you in life, you always have to take responsibility for how you react to it and create your own life. She said, "It is your choice to live or die with AIDS." I know a lot of people, including myself, that have a lot to learn from her.

We learned about health clinics from our speaker, Zetu. Her discussion was very interesting, but the main points I took were:

1. If the government had responded to the HIV/AIDS issue earlier, the situation would not be as bad as it is now (1/5 people being HIV positive)

2. ARVS are given for free, but there is now a problem of people breaking into clinics and taking the ARVS and using them as part of a drug or selling them to people with HIV.
3. One of the most important things that need to happen is for more primary clinics to be opened that are closer to the township residents so that they are physically able to get ARVS.

**Something I just thought about and had to write down because it made me so angry: We sat in an HIV support group and there were these two white women from Dallas that were visiting. One of them raised her hand to make a comment and said something along the lines of "Back home, our rates of HIV are lower than they used to be because people are taking their ARVS; it's like chemotherapy for AIDS. So take your ARVS.." WHAT?!? WHAT??!!?!

1: ARVS do not cure HIV, they just allow a person to live longer.. I hope no people in that group think that they no longer have HIV because they take ARVS and end up having unprotected sex because of it and pass HIV along to someone else.

2: Our HIV rates are not down. If anything, rates are UP because people aren't afraid of contracting HIV because of the ARVS

3: Nonchalantly telling township residents to take their ARVS is almost like telling a woman to become a man- for most, it's completely impossible, and you aren't doing a damn bit of help coming in with your poorly-educated advice.

4: She did absolutely nothing to kill my stereotype that Texans are stupid.

Ok back to it. I don't want to go through all the speakers, so I wont. I want to talk about what Edwin told us. I don't cry in front of people. Throughout my entire life, I've learned to be completely stonefaced until I can be alone. I couldn't do that now, I teared up pretty bad and I couldn't keep it from happening. For me to tear up in room with 20 other people, it means alot. I've been able to keep together the entire week with everything we saw, but it was a lot to think about today. Here is what Edwin talked to us about. It is no big surprise that HIV and poverty go hand in hand. But no one in the world will ever be able to tell me again that there is no direct link: the South African government offers a disability grant that people with HIV who are no longer able to work are eligible for. Many women do not feel the right to ask their husbands to practice safe sex with them because they would rather contract HIV and recieve government help to buy food than have their children starve. HIV has become a way to survive in a life of poverty.

He also told us a story where he came across a 9 year old boy who was being taken care of by his uncle because both his parents had died of HIV. The boy was being used for sexual favors by the uncle's girlfriend and put out on the street as a prostitute to get money for her, and this is how he contracted HIV. Eventually the boy was somehow involved with having sex with a dog and was giving sex to other boys in showers and ended up transmitting HIV to two other boys. I can't even wrap my brain around this.. the conditions that are present to allow for this kind of thing to happen are mind boggling and something that I could never understand. I can't get over that. I can't forget the look on Edwin's face when he told us that story. Nothing that I'm able to write here will ever enable you to fully understand the situation and the emotion that the people in these townships are feeling. Nothing.

Along with the speakers, we had little excursions, I guess you can call them, in the afternoons. One house we went to belongs to a woman named Pricilla, who is one of the most amazing people ever put on this earth. Pricilla is an older woman who is taking care of 11 children, only three (or two?) of them are her own. She gets some support from the government, but sometimes that support only gets food to last for a week-after that, she has to figure out how to get food for the rest of the month. We went to her house twice-the first time was to meet her and some of her kids. The second time really made an impact on me. We brought stuff to make lunches for her kids to eat when they got home from school. We put together sandwhiches and gave them chips, juice and a candy bar. We brought some toys with us and gave them to the family as well... before we knew it, there were about 30 kids cramming into Pricilla's house and front porch, all wanting to play with the new toys and get their picture taken. It was so much fun seeing all the kids playing around and blowing bubbles.

When it was time to go, Pricilla thanked us, and I could see in her eyes how much our small effort really meant to her. She said it was beyond words to say how meaningful our time with her family was. Edwin later told us that what was truely important about the lunch was that for even just that one day, Pricilla didn't have to worry about how she woud feed her kids. She didn't have to go out to find odd jobs to earn enough money to buy what food she could. It is just that one time and that small act of help that means the world to someone and gives them hope to wake up the next day.

We also went out to deliver a bunch of the donations that we brought. Some of you might know how completely excited I was to be able to buy a ton of rain jackets to bring down here- for those of you who don't know, the rain jackets were the favorite thing that I got and I couldn't wait to bring them down here. The reason I was so excited was that before we came, we were told that rain jackets would be a really important thing for us to have to keep us dry because the winters here (as we found out the hard way) are rainy and windy and consequently very cold. I wanted the kids to be able to stay dry too. If we could stay dry, why shouldn't they be able to? They shouldn't have to be sopping wet on their walk to school.

So some of the items that we dropped off today were some of the rain jackets! I wanted to share this with you guys because I saw the look on one woman's face when she got a couple of the rain jackets that you helped to get.. she couldn't believe it. There was a moment when she was speechless and all she could do was smile and shake her head. Just like everything else I am writing about, words cannot describe this moment. The look in her eyes, genuine gratitude and when she said "God bless you," will be yet even more moments I will never forget. She reminded me if my Grandma Lowinske, by the way.

These are boys who got rain jackets as well. I wanted to show this one because they are orhpans living with their aunt and the boy on the right is HIV positive. When I found that out, I tried my hardest not to let this thought enter my mind, but it wouldn't go away: HIV eventually becomes resistent to ARVS and requires a different line of the medicine to be taken. There are only 2 lines available in South Africa-when your HIV becomes resistent to the second line, all you can do is to prepare for death. Even if this boy is taking ARVS and able to survive for a long time, his HIV will become resistent. Because he is so young, unless the situation surrounding the HIV pandemic drastically improves, his ARV lines will run out sooner and he will never see a long life.

I want you to see the face of what it is to live in a township. Please keep this in your memory, because I believe they deserve to never be forgotten.

Our last day in Gugulethu, we went to a school for disabled children called Thembalethu, which means 'our hope' in Xhosa. This is the only school in all of Gugulethu which accepts children with all disabilities. I really liked going here. All the students got together so that we could introduce ourselves to them and say hi. Their chior sang some songs for us and then we split up into groups to help out around the school- some people worked on crafts, some helped file, some cleaned up the basketball court, and the group I was with cleaned up the playground.

When we first got there, the playground looked completely abandoned and the principal of the school said that the kids were afraid to play there. We worked on getting the sandbox loosened up so kids could dig in it, and as we went around, we pulled out countless pieces of broken glass and had to cover up sharp rusty metal rods that were sticking out in the corners. We mowed the grass too. For everyone at McCarens that knows how uncomfortable it is to clean up the flower beds downtown without wearing gloves--this was just as bad, if not worse. I definately picked up some very questionable items.. there were bones, condom packets, old food, glass, wrappers... all of them I had no idea where they had been. And this was in a playground. Eventually, the grass was all cut and we were able to clean most of it up before we had to leave. It was really great because the kids were helping us out and having some fun with it. It was fun to talk with them and hear about what they like to do.

Seiphemo told us that he thought the groundskeeper was embarassed by us coming out there to fix it all up, so maybe that means he will keep it up better in the future. We also left all the tools we used at the school, so they will be able to use them in the future as well.

My host momma is a first grade teacher and Stella, Cole, Kate and I got the chance on Wednesday morning to visit her class. The kids are sooooo cute! It was funny because I could tell the second I walked in the door which table was the troublemaker table, they just looked mischeivious. They sang a bunch of songs for us and we taught them a couple.. we did Head Shoulders Knees and Toes, The Itsy Bitsy Spider, and the Hokey Pokey. They really liked that one. Here is Noxie and her class:

Noxie's school is in a township called KTC, which largely made up of slum settlements. Most of her students live in the kind of shacks that we saw during our tours of Gugs and she told Stella and me later that 3 of them have HIV. One girl was hospitalized to treat the tuberculosis that she got because of HIV and will be there for 6 months. First grade.

That's it for now, we are shark diving in the morning so I need to get up at 5am. I think tomorrow I will be writing about the guilt and messiness I am feeling now that we are out of the townships, knowing that millions of people will never have the opportunity to leave like we did. That, along with my nervousness to come home-for many reasons.

Introduction to Gugulethu

**Sidenote before I write anything: I discovered the most delicious combination at Wimpys the other day when we were sitting down for some burgers.. Fries dipped in mashed avocado. Give it a whirl. I'm really craving that right now.

We are going to our homestays tomorrow, so Aaron wanted us all to blog before we left since we won’t be by our computers until Friday night.

Today was was a little introduction to the upcoming week for us. Today definitely was heavier than what we experienced all of last week. We had class at the JL Zwane Community Center and had three lecturers. First we heard from Edwin Louw, who works with the community center, and he described a little bit about his life. His mother was a white woman who came from a very rich family. She gave up all family and financial support to marry Edwin's father, who was poor and Zulu. Edwin's grandmother was extremely racist and would treat Edwin and his siblings much much worse than she would treat their cousins. Because of this (and I really respect and appreciate his honesty), he told us that for a long time, he held a strong hatred of white people. He really changed his point of view when his son was born and realized that he did not want his son to look through the same eyes that he had looked through; he did not want his son to live a life so entrenched in hatred because nothing good would ever come from it. He made a conscious choice to change his outlook.

It's hard for me to explain my reactions to the lectures we got today. It was so refreshing to me to hear the absolute truth about what these men felt, but I definitely don't feel like I know enough about their side of the story to form any solid opinions. I'm not used to putting all my thoughts and feelings out for everyone to read them, so that's another reason I'm having trouble writing this.
Edwin talked about a couple other points, but they completely flew out of my mind as I was writing the last paragraph.

Dr. Rev Spiwo Xapile spoke to us next and told us about where he is from and the work he does. Spiwo was supported by a local pastor because his family did not have enough money to finish his education. The pastor's decision to support Reverend Xapile, he said, changed his life. It seemed to me that this situation played a large role in his belief that leaders do not create change for others, but rather help them to create it themselves. A big thing that I took away from his talk was that a huge part of a leader's work is to help people see that their situation does not have to be the way that it is, that it can be different. He said, "leadership is helping people cross bridges that they have to cross."
To move on from the history of Apartheid, he believes that black South Africans have to realize that they are somebody and that they need to be the ones to make change in their own lives. They have to create South Africa's future and make it different. His role in this is helping people switch to that mentality, especially by expanding their worldview past the borders of their township. He travels with members of the community to various countries to show them that it is possible to create an environment better than a township.
There were a couple other things that Spiwo said that I really liked. First he said, "I'd rather ask the church for forgivness than to ask for permission for someting that will never be granted." What he meant by this is that in his line of work as a reverend, actions must be OKed by the church, but because the situation in the townships is so dire no one really believes that positive change will actually happen, so many requests for projects are rejected by the church. He would rather have to ask for forgivness for taking an action may produce results rather than waiting around for the church to grant a permission that will never come. At least, that's what I got from it.
The other thing I liked that he said was, "Some say that if you walk with dwarves, you will be a dwarf; if you walk with giants, you will be a giant. But leadership is making giants out of dwarves, and you can't do that unless you walk with dwarves." Think about that one for a bit. It reminded me of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr and how he walked with the people.

The next person who spoke to us was Kenneth Lukuko from the Institute of Justice and Reconciliation. It's an NGO that was created to deal with the issues not addressed by the Truth and Reconciliation Committee.
(The Truth and Reconciliation Committee was set up after Apartheid to hold hearings for both the perpetrators and victims of Apartheid-era crimes in order for them to tell their stories and begin a healing process.. I would recommend the book Country of My Skull by Antjie Krog if you want to learn about it)
Basically, the TRC only dealt with the physical harm that was caused. The Institute of Justice and Reconciliation was created to address the mental, emotional, etc harm that was caused. Much that is being addressed now deals with the violence that occured between different black and colored communities because of fighting political groups. Communities come together and each person comes up with 5 milestone years and how that year affected their lives, their families lives and the lives of their community. This process challenges the assumptions that members of each community have about each other. It brings people back from the state of dehumanization that was caused by the enviornment of Apartheid and builds new communities across geographic, racial and political boundaries. Kenneth called it 'Rehumanization'
This process is so important because the harm that was cause not only affects a person's mental state, but it also affects people's ability to come together. The different groups here are now in a position, for example, where they are allowed to work together, but it causes huge problems when you work in the same building as somone who murdered your brother 20 years earlier. This whole thing tries to heal the wounds so people can move on with each other.

Ok so enough about the lecture. It's late and I want to go to sleep. We had an AWESOME lunch today that was made a few women at the community center. Absolutely delicious, it was like Thanksgiving. If I could eat homemade South African food everyday for the rest of my time here, possibly for the rest of my life, I'd be cool with it. Then we watched a small performance of a singing/dancing group from here that is about to travel to the states to put on a ton of shows. When they are in Cape Town, they travel to schools and different places to raise awareness of HIV/AIDS. They were amazing. I can't even tell you how cool that was. There was 5 singers along with a small band and those 5 singers could take out any 50-person chior I've ever seen. And their dancing was pretty kick ass too. (They'll be in Minneapolis around July 5th, you should definately go check out the show, seriously).

Then we were driven around Gugulethu for a tour. This was surreal. Pictures can't quite describe it, I've seen photos in National Geographic of shanties before, but I went in one today. The people that live there are a 17 year old girl and her 9(I think) year old brother. Their mother died 2.5 years ago, and they are now left to take care of themselves. What they live in, I guess you could call it a dwelling, but there is no way you could call it a building. 2 rooms. Both less the size of a small walk-in closet. One room is the kitchen, the other is everything else.. except a bathroom, they dont have one of those. They have a wash bin but no toilet. Nothing is new, or even in good condition. There are tears and dirt and even the wooden beams that hold the 'ceiling' up are cracking and bending.

It is damp in there too and just like the rest of their house, the floor is made out of scraps of anything flat. As I'm writing this, it's pouring rain outside and freezing cold. I feel pretty dumb for complaining about how cold our carpeted and roofed house is as I sit here and think about where they are. Driving around today, it was aparent that they are the rule and not the exception in the townships. It is weird to think that there are entire cities of this. We have areas of cities that are bad, but this isn't just an area. Take your city and replace everything with a scene you would imagine from under a bridge in New York City. That's basically what I saw. There are houses, but they are more like a dilapidated strip-mall version of housing. Rows of tiny houses just stuck together, better than shacks but I wouldn't like to live there. I didn't take many pictures because I felt crooked doing it. This is these people's reality and it's not here for me to gawk at or take pictures of simply so I can say I visited a township. I did take a few pictures, however, because I want you to see. I want you to see because I believe these people deserve to have someone know of their situation. Just to know and acknowledge that they exist halfway around the world, I think, is a step in the right direction. And it isn't just about these specific people in South Africa, but people around the rest of the world as well. But at this moment I am here and this is what I can provide, so here you go.

We saw two monuments: the first one was in memory of the Gugulethu Seven. On March 3, 1986, these seven black men were walking to a demonstration march when a white police officer came down the street and shot everyone of them to death without provocation; the monument was built on the spot where they died.
The second one was for Amy Biehl who was doing missionary work with children and was murdered by two black men outside a gas station; her monument is also on the spot where she died.

I will post pictures and some more messy thought blogs that done make any sense when we get back from our homestays on friday, I'm tired now and want to go to bed. More to come then!

Non Stop -- Friday, Saturday, Sunday

The last few days have been crazy! I have a lot to catch up on...

Friday:
In the morning we had class at UCT and had a lecture from a man named Steve. To go along with our last lecture, which gave a political outlook of Apartheid, Steve's lecture gave us a personal one. Steve was born in exile because his father was a wanted man in South Africa because of anti-Apartheid activities (I forgot exactly what he did). Steve and his family grew up having to change names and moving from country to country. They lived in a politically-charged environment and members of the ANC (African National Congress) became their extended family. Their house was even bombed twice. That's crazy, I can't even imagine what it would be like to live like that. It was really cool to hear his story.


After that, we went down to the harbor for some lunch before we went out to Robben Island. A bunch of us sat down at a Cape Malay restaurant because we hadn't tried that kind of food yet. Nate and I split this seafood platter that had mussels, calamari, line fish and prawns. I never had mussels before this, and I'm never going to eat them again! Apparently, you aren't supposed to chew them.. I didn't know this and it turned out to be an unpleasant culinary experience. And I didnt know what prawns were until the plate came out. It's crayfish! Crayfish as in they serve the entire crayfish-shell, antennas, eyes and legs!! I felt a little grossed out looking into the eyes of my food and I was afraid its little legs were gonna start kicking around when I grabbed it. But don't worry, I ate it anyway.


Then we got on a boat to go over to Robben Island and I slept the whole way, which was awesome because it's a 45 minute ride. Robben Island was where they kept black political prisoners during Apartheid. The tour was alright.. it was very interesting and our tour guide was a former prisoner who received a 7 year sentence for bombing a government building. What I didn't like was that most of the tour was focused on Nelson Mandela (who is the most famous prisoner of Robben Island). It was cool to hear about all that, but I wanted to hear stories from other prisoners too because as important as Mandela's work was, he wasn't the only prisoner there and he didn't end Apartheid by himself. I felt that the tour was geared more toward what visitors want to hear rather than telling an equally-balanced history of the prison.



Saturday:
Safari day! We got ourselves up before sunrise (quite possibly around 4:30ish or so) and walked down to the police station to meet our tour bus. This morning, it set in beyond any question that yes, Africa does get cold, cold+damp. It's winter here and it was definitely in the 40's that morning. I know we're all from Minnesota, but we weren't ready for this. So we hopped on the bus, wrapped up in blankets and slept for most of the 2.5 hour drive to Inverdoorn Game Reserve. When we got there, we looked around and it was absolutely gorgeous! They have a whole set up with little cabins, a pool, tables, a fire pit, all that kind of stuff. They served us coffee, tea and some bar/bread type of stuff. Eventually, we got onto the trucks with our guide, Grant, and went to see the animals! We went to see the cheetahs (who are kept in a separate area until they are quarantined) and driving up there, we were thinking "oh, we'll probably just drive along the edge of the fence and look in." Nope, we went in! With cheetahs. They were literally less than 15 feet away from our truck! It was so crazy. But they were pretty chill and got annoyed with us and kept walking away. Fun fact of the day: cheetahs' bones are almost completely hollow.




So then next were the lions. We went up to a lookout tower to see them. They are 'canned lions,' meaning they were raised in captivity and fed until they are fat and easy to hunt. It's illegal since there is no sport to is.. I guess it would be like baiting deer? I don't know hunting laws, so maybe not. They don't know how to hunt because of this so they associate humans with food, so we couldn't go up to the fence because they could break through and eat us. Lions. Amazing.

After the lions, we went into the main reserve and eventually, it started warming up! The sun came up and it was awesome. Even in winter the sun is really powerful here (when it is out).We drove around for a loooong time and had to be really careful not to stick our arms out too far because a ton of the trails had these plants lining them that would tear your arms off. Not really, but you know.

Here is the other animals we saw:

• Ostriches
• Springbok (the national animal of South Africa, and the cutest but most hilarious animal I've ever seen.. they spring up in the air when they run, kind of like a mix of tiny reindeer and rabbits on crack)
  
  
• Wildebeest
• Buffalo (the real kind..which happen to be the #2 killer in Africa, they are HUGE!!)



• Zebra and Rhinos!!


• Giraffes.. we got to walk with them! And see two of them fighting..intense! Here's a video of it.. its too bad you can't hear the noise it would make when they hit each other because it sounded really painful
  

Oh my lord it was great! I took about a million pictures and I'm keeping them all. After we got back from the safari, TJ, Nate, Aaron and I had a chance to go 4wheeling through the bush for about half an hour and it was absolutely one of the best times of my life (along with everything else on this trip)! They have a trail that leads out through a vast open bushland area going toward the mountains. It was so much fun- the trail curved all over and had sand and mud and little hills to jump off of, and the entire time there were the mountains in the background and a bright blue sky above us. It was incredible. On the way back, we went through a huuuuuuge puddle of muddy water way too fast and it splashed all over my pants and killed TJ's quad (thats what they call them here). This is the only picture I have of the 4wheelers.. TJ got some when we were out on the trail, so I'll put one of those up when I get them.

So then we slept on the way back home so we'd be ready to go out and celebrate Nate's birthday. We got reservations at an African cuisine restaurant called Marcos. It was so much fun! They had a great live band playing and singing and did an awesome cover of No Woman No Cry. I am proud to say that I tried some pap, ostrich, crocodile, warthog, springbok and sheep stomach! I liked aaaalll of it. The sheep stomach was weird, probably would have been better if I didn't know what it was. It tasted like sheep smell.. not like the dirty barn smell, but a general sheep smell? Make sense? Well, thats how it tasted. The springbok was delicious, it was like the most tender steak you've ever eaten in your life.

The best part of dinner, though, was the beer. Marcos has one specialty beer and it is brewed in Gugulethu (the township we will be in). They bring everyone's beer out together in this big wooden sphere jug. You swirl it around, drink it and pass it on to the next person. You will never taste a beer like this in your life! It wasn't even like beer except for a small little bite of flavor at the end. It was more like a liquid fruit yogurt drink mixed with beer.. but in the most delicious way! I love that beer. What I was told is that they brew it in the township early in the week, let it ferment throughout the week then bring it out to the restaurant and by saturday it is pretty potent. I'll post some pictures of this when I get them.

After dinner, everyone except for Aaron went out to the bars. Sawiwe, Ajidt and his friend Allen came with too which was awesome cuz those guys are a ton of fun. We stopped at the Dubliner for some over-priced drinks (where we got a shot called the Springbok...mint liqueur and Kahlua Amaretto. Amazing) and a live band with a very good looking lead singer. After admiring this man's talented singing for a while, a few of us wanted to go dance (I had been waiting for it since our plane touched down here) so we went across the street to the Joburg bar. It's some semi-hole-in-the-wall place with some great music to dance to. By 11 it was absolutely packed and about 1000 degrees in there! We made it out to one more club that I didn't like as much only because they played techno music nonstop once 1:00 rolled around. Not my bag of chips but it was fine, it was still a great time! Favorite part of the night: learning some African moves.. too much fun.

Sunday:

This wasn't originally part of our trip plan, but Aaron asked us if we would want to attend a church service in Gugulethu (as it came highly recommended by Kevin Winge), an we all ended up wanting to go. We were able to get both of our van drivers to come pick us up so around 8a.m. we piled in (a little/a lot tired from the night before) and drove to church.

The service was amazing. It was a Xhosa/English mix so I could only understand 25% of what was said, but that didn't matter at all. We got hymn books so we could sing along in Xhosa.. they don't use organs or instruments or anything, just a small drum and the most wonderful impromptu A Capella I've ever heard. The entire congregation knows all the words to the songs and don't need to look at the hymn book at all, they clap their hands and dance to the music. The sermon, even though I couldn't understand most of it, was so heartfelt, sincere and hopeful.

Everyone there is so friendly, too. A lot of people greeted us and were genuinely happy that we were there to worship with them. I wasn't sure how we would be received because I am never sure of how black or colored South Africans may view privileged white people. I don't know how they have been treated in the past by white people so I don't know if they think we are here to take advantage of their situation or treat them badly or impose our beliefs or judgements on them. A lot was said about learning how to be their brothers and sisters and that made me feel so welcome because in this country that has such a stark divide along racial lines, these people are willing to accept us beyond the color of our skin, and reversely, see that we want to do the same.

That is one of the greatest reasons I came on this trip, and why I will be going to India in the spring.. I want to know someone as a person. I dont want to know them by their nationality or the color of their skin, I don't want to know black, brown, green, red, poor, rich.. I want to know them as a human being, and I feel like I can do that here.

One of the best parts of the day is that we got to meet our host families! We are living in Gugulethu tuesday through thursday (as well as going to class and doing service projects during the day all week). Stella and I are staying with our momma, Noxie. She is so great, I already love this woman. She is so full of life and so kind. She teaches a first grade class and we get to go with her in the morning on wednesday (or thursday?) to meet them! Most of the host families have had students staying with them for a homestay experience and were willing to do it again for us, so they love what they do. Every night, we are all getting together with all the families to eat dinner together. Noxie is going to teach me and Stella how to cook like a South African, wrap our hair up like a South African woman.. anything that Stella and I want to learn how to do, she wants to teach us. I am excited to learn from her. She was born in Gugulethu and has lived there her whole life. I want to hear her story and I'm happy that she is willing to tell it.

I know that this next week will be difficult. Noxie had an 18 year old son that died a few years ago, I'm not sure how but I know she will tell us later. We are going to leave the rich part of Cape Town to spend countless hours in poverty-ridden areas; and we're going to face some hard truths, knowing full well that there is nothing we can do to give it a quick fix. Nothing. There will be so many people in need and such deep-rooted social issues that no amount of donated money can fix it-it will take a lot more than that, much more than we are capable of doing at this point. That will be tough because it hurts to feel as though you are turning your back on someone in need, especially when that person is in front of you, looking you in the eyes. That is what I've prepared myself for but I know that no matter what I do, I cant completely prepare for next week. But thats ok because I dont want any preconceived notions getting in my way of learning exactly what it is Gugulethu wants to teach me.

We Were Blessed A Lot -- Thursday

Our tour guide today told us that if you get rained on in South Africa, you've been blessed. If this is true, then all of us could get into heaven 20 times over with the amount of blessing we recieved. I have never been that throughly drenched in my lifetime, but it didnt keep any of us from having an amazing time today!

We started off the day by walking to our tour bus and getting a short driving tour through downtown Cape Town. The rest of the day was spent getting a coastal tour of the Western Cape. We first went to Campe Bay on the Atlantic Ocean. Some huuuge clouds were rolling in, but thankfully they went away. I really wouldn't mind having a house here.

After a few minutes here, we got back on the bus and drove to Haut Bay to go on a glass-bottom boat to look at the seals. I didn't go on the boat, unfortunately. In the frenzy to get out the door in the morning, I completely forgot to grab my seasickness medicine and I didn't feel like spending the entire tour hanging off the back of the boat and not even seeing the seals. So I stayed on land and did a little market shopping and got some presents for my parents to put in their houses. Since they'll be reading this, I can't say what I got, but they are pretty awesome and the proceeds go to a seal protection program..

I didn't like this guy.. he was blowing smoke into his 'pet' seal's face and letting people sit on its back for pictures.

At this point, it started pouring rain. And when I say pouring, I mean a horizontal, face-pelting deluge. (I find out later that it was good I didn't go on the boat. The water got pretty rough, people struggled to hang onto the boat and get inside, and then got sea sick). I had some extra time until my group got back from the boat so I went to some coffee shop and got some breakfast.

After Haut Bay, we drove to the other side of Africa. It was the first time in my life that I touched the Indian Ocean. First time in my life I've seen penguins. All I could think the whole time was just, 'God, how lucky am I??'

We walked around in the freezing water and picked up some sea shells, wrote our names in the sand and loved every second of it.

The next part is my favorite! After lunch we went to the Cape of Good Hope Nature Reserve which is located at the bottom of Africa. Very bottom. As we were driving through the park, we could look tho the left and see the Indian Ocean and look to the right to see the Atlantic. Along side of the road, we came up on a troupe of baboons! Those things are huge and mean looking! We definately were not allowed to have the windows open because otherwise one might jump in and fight you for food.

A big baboon with a couple babies.. can you see them all? Tricky.

I wasn't expecting baboons to be so big, but they are definately almost the size of a lab retriever. With huge fangs the the strength of 3 men.

Now, here is my favorite part of the day! Our tour guide told us about this absolutely gorgeous beach, but that we should really avoid going down to it because the rip tides are so strong that you'll die, it happened. But did we listen? No; this was the one time in our lives to go check it out and we weren't going to pass it up.

Here it is!

We climbed down a million stairs down to the beach, took our shoes off and ran down to the water (but we didnt go in because the waves were HUGE!) There are absolutely no words to describe how beautiful this place is. It's a piece of heaven that I will never forget.

Our time at the beach got cut short when we saw all those dark clouds moving in, and the wind was blowing the sand so hard, it stung our legs reeaally bad. The second we made it back to the trail after climbing those million stairs, the clouds completely opened up and we were introduced once again to that horizontal rain. Except this time, the wind was blowing so hard that some of the rain felt like hail hitting you in the face!

Probably the most safe thing I've ever done in my life.. hiking on trails and climbing up rocks with cliffs no more than 10 feet away in a torrential downpour and wind blowing so hard it could blow your eyes out of their sockets. But it was amazing; freezing cold, wet, tired.. all I could do was smile, laugh and think, 'Oh my god. This is incredible. I can't believe that I'm actually here, that I'm actually experiencing this.' No words can describe how lucky and amazed I feel.

We eventally made it to the Cape of Good Hope, the southernmost point in Africa! We were at the bottom of the world! We saw two oceans at once and pointed out across the water at Antarctica.

District 6 Museum and Downtown -- Wednesday

We walked all the way to class today and holy crap! We walked up a few huge hills and probably 400,000 stairs. It was a trek. We got a lecture from a very good-looking man about the process of ending Apartheid and all the negotiations that happened. It was so interesting to learn how a bunch of different conditions came together at the right time to lead to the end of Apartheid.

The big lesson I took away from today was the importance of realizing the possibility of long-term consequences. Apartheid lasted for only a few decades but the social problems that stem from it will last past our lifetimes. So many public decisions are made without giving thought to the consequences they'll bring and more problems are created than good things.

After class, we went to the District Six Museum close to downtown Cape Town. It's in an old church and pays tribute to the history of the District Six museum and the memory of its former residents. Before Apartheid, the area was a vibrant community of mostly colored residents, but when the government imposed forced removal, these residents were moved to the townships, their houses and buildings were demolished and zoned for white residents only. Not only this, but races were legally forbidden to have any contact with each other. The museum is filled with stories and pictures from the residents themselves so we were able to see the human face behind the history. I could never imagine what it must feel like to be categorized as subhuman and have your home and its memories demolished. It breaks my heart to know what human beings are capable of doing to each other.

Part 1

Part 2

After the museum we had a couple hours to walk around downtown before our vans came back to pick us up. So we went to the market!

We didn't have a ton of time there, so good thing we're going back for more shopping soon! We left to walk back to where the vans were going to pick us up and all of a sudden we hear a ton of yelling on the next block and see flashing cop lights all over the place. We are supposed to avoid demonstrations (rule #1 we learned was to not get arrested) so we all had to resist the urge to go check it out. Then a paddywagon drove by filled full with men from the jail who were rattling the bars and yelling some nasty things out the windows, and some people somewhere were yelling 'go back to your homes!' We ended up having to go around the block to get to the vans and here is what we found:

It turns out there was some sort of demonstration taking place at the courthouse and it must have gotten out of hand to the point of police forces coming out to break it up? Still don't know what exactly was going on, but it seems like it had to do with the conflict between the refugees from Zimbabwe and the South African township residents. I hope the problem doesn't get bad enough for our time in the townships to be cancelled because I know everyone in my group is looking forward to that so much. At this point, a lot of us feel just like tourists and we are so excited to go to Gugulethu to go through that experience. So I just hope that the situation stays under control, not just for my group, but also because it's a terrible situation all the Africans affected by it.

This is just so weird to see that as a middle class American. We have demonstrations, but really, people get arrested for trespassing on private property or something minor like that. Just the other week here, a man was burned to death in the street. It's a little different. At this point, I don't have a lot of opinions.. well, no, I do. They just are floating around in my head but I can't really form anything solid yet. I'm just taking it all in now. I'll figure out what I really think about it later. For now, you just get read my day-to-day stuff, nothing too deep because I just haven't figured it out yet. I feel like I'm not really qualified to figure it out yet because I have only been in the wealthy areas of Cape Town, and that is by no means the whole story of this country. I need to see the other side of things before I can form solid opinions.

Right now you see a man in tattered clothes at the harbor and view him as just a poor guy, but I feel as though after we go to the townships, that man would be viewed as a neighbor. Does that make sense? All I know is a privileged life outside of poverty. I don't know anyone who is struggling to survive. But once I experience Gugulethu, I feel like the man in the tattered clothes won't be just another poor person; He'll have a story and a life and a family and a place. Until this happens, I don't feel like my thoughts are solid enough because I just don't know enough.

On another note.. we ate at Nandos tonight! Delicious. It lived up to the hype. Next on my list is to eat at the KFC and see if Ajith was right at all about his claim that South African KFCs are better than American. After Nandos some of us went across the street to a bar called Pig & Swizzle for some drinks and pool. Good times.