1- I can't find the words (yet again) to describe anything, the sights, sounds, feelings.. There is a question in our class journal that askes something like, "How will you describe this trip when you get home?" I have no idea.
And 2- writing this entry forces me to admit to myself that I'm home. Once and a while it hits me and I cry or get a really sick feeling in my stomach, from knowing that I'm gone and I can't simply jump in my car and drive 20 minutes to go visit this place and the people that now possess a huge part of my heart.
I miss the crazy driving, I miss ubuntu, I miss palm trees, I miss Marcel's frozen yogurt, I miss sharing a house with 10 other people, I miss Gugulethu, I miss Long St, I miss Noxie, I miss the food.. I miss everything.
I think it's funny that I feel a little uncomfortable being surrounded by a lot of white people now. I'm not used to it.. my comfort zone has definately done a complete 180, not just with this, but a lot of things. I learned how to let go of everything and just live in the moment and I learned that I can live with a lot less comforts than I ever thought I could.. and it's a lot more relaxing, I like it. Yesterday I watched a little bit of golf with my stepdad and that was the most tv I watched in the last month.
Edwin told us during our last night at the homestays that we took up a large part of their hearts and that we were going to leave a big hole when we left. It is the same for all of the students as well. I'm not the same person I was when I left the US and I'm missing a big part of my heart. I feel like the only thing to fill that hole that would do my South African family justice would be to give back to my community just like they have been doing and to bring back the ubuntu that we were shown. Nothing else would quite be worth the space they have taken.
So what happened the last few days? The perfect ending to the best time of my life.
We did get a chance to go to the Holocaust Museum and I am so glad we did. There is a large population of Holocaust survivors in South Africa, which is the reason they have a museum there. Along with all the facts that were presented, the place had a very personal touch to it because it told the stories of individuals- names, photos and personal letters and diaries were all over the place and it was hard to forget that the Holocaust happened to human beings rather than just faceless people. I liked that there was a little tie-in to Apartheid because it makes you think of the questions "have we learned anything at all? how easy is it to allow a group to be dehumanized? and when is it ever going to stop?"
We went out a restaurant called Mama Africa that night. I didn't like my food all that much, but the restaurant was great and the live band was great to listen to! We had our last class Thursday morning where we wrapped things up and talked about leadership things. We all got 17 notecards and wrote warm fuzzies to each person. I read mine on the airplane and they made me smile. I'm so happy that I got to go on this trip with these people, they are all amazing!
Thursday night, we had a braai at our place (South African bbq). Edwin and Noxie came, along with everyone from Interstudy and our new buddy Allen. We ate a ton of food and talked, and later we gave photos of the group to the JL Zwane Center and Interstudy to say thank you for all the work they did with us. Aaron gave a little speech to thank everyone, including us students, and we each got a chance to say thanks and it all got pretty emotional.
After our guests left, we busted out some drinks for TJ's 21st birthday! We had bottles and cans stored up in the fridge and were leaving for the US the next afternoon, so obviously they needed to get drank. We went out to Long Street to a club called Velvet for a while until it got so hot in there that some people left and went to the Purple Turtle. We ended up splitting into a couple different groups so I have no clue where everyone went, but I went with Allen and Siviwe and they were so nice to take me over to Joburgs! I'm one of the only people in our group that likes Joburgs so I was super excited to go there one last time before we left. We went to another club before we had to go home as well.. I looove Joburgs and the last club because they were so much more local than the rest of the places we went to, so I thought they were a lot more fun! So we got home around 3:30 or 4 and went to sleep to get up a few hours later to get ready to leave. It was such a great night, I can't even say. I guess I didn't put a ton of details in here, but it was just a great night on the town with people I'll never forget!
I got it to tie together a part of who I am that is very important to me with my experience here and what these amazing people have shown me.
It says 'ithemba' and means 'hope' in Xhosa. During an unfortunate time in my past the only thing I had to get me up in the morning and do what I needed to do, besides my mom and my brother, was the hope that things would be better. Ever since then, the idea of hope has been inseperable from my identity and outlook for the future. One of the most beautiful things to me is finding a tiny little diamond in the rough, to be too cliche. This is one of the reasons I came to South Africa and why I am going to India this January. To be in a place with such a dire situation and witness that glimmer of hope that a better future can be created is amazing to me. The people here have shown me that, I looked around and I saw the hope they have for the future of their people. While I was in South Africa, I saw the importance of hope, and I saw it in many peoples' eyes.. it is something I will never forget. The font is from pieces of art at the JL Zwane Center and the fact that the letters are jagged and different sizes is perfect for me, because life isn't perfect but it's beautiful. That is why I have my tattoo, it is my connection.So with that said, I had the time of my life. The most incredible three weeks I've ever experienced and I owe it all to the people who were around me. Everyone. South African, American, black, colored, white, rich, poor... No one will ever be forgotten and I am eternally grateful for everyone I met. Coming home is hard and it will be more difficult than I ever imagined to get back into life here, but in return for my indescribable time in South Africa, I'd be willing to pay that price a million times over.
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